Are you familiar with this term? It was a vocabulary term for one of my courses in college, and it has stuck with me ever since. Here's the Wikipedia definition; but, my shorter/simpler version is...
When you hear something (about yourself, a person, or a situation), so often, that it actually becomes the reality.
For example, I see students all the time that have been told since they were in first grade that they are unorganized/lazy/not good at writing; and so, by the time they get to me in high school, this has been so deeply ingrained in them that they not only believe it; but, well, it is very much TRUE. Does this make sense? Those words become expectations and those expectations become reality. With me?
Anyway, I had a revelation this weekend (after reading a couple of self-reflective blog posts like this, this, this, and this) that in some ways my "hot mess" persona on the blog has become a self-fulfilling prophecy in my life.
|This really happened.|
Let me explain... Over the last year and a half or so (really, beginning around the time I had Sam), blogging has become a place where I can allow myself to laugh at all the ways I'm NOT "the perfect mom" I always wanted to/ thought I would be. And, don't misunderstand this, I think that is GOOD. I think there is a lot of freedom in being able to admit that my house is a mess and I have thirty pounds to lose and my son sometimes throws tantrums in public places, stands up in his hair chair, and wears his pjs all day.
I love that this is a community where we don't have to compete or judge; we can be real on the good days and the bad. That is SO good.
BUT, recently, I've started hearing my own words of "your house/ your classroom/ your parenting/ you are a disaster" even louder than I'm hearing some truths like "you are loved," and "you are enough." And that is NOT GOOD.
There seems to be a trend in the blog-world these days of bloggers trying to "prove" that they aren't perfect. I've been reading lots lately about how we choose what we show on our public forums, and it isn't always the whole picture. I like these posts, because I think - for the most part - we need to be reminded that even the moms with perfectly curled hair, matching toddlers, and professionally photo-shopped pictures have ugly days. BUT, in reading many of those posts, I've been convicted that I'm in kind-of the opposite boat -- I've started looking for the "oh geez, another Mom-Fail I can blog about" moments in my real life, instead of savoring the really beautiful ones.
It's been pretty deep around here lately, so I'm going to cut to the point now and make this short and sweet (or something like that since it's already about a million words long)...
Words are really powerful. I, of all people, know that. (I'm an English teacher and a blogger/writer for goodness sake.) So, in 2013, along with surrendering and all my other "fresh starts," I'm going to really practice what I preach when it comes to showing myself grace. I'm going to keep on confessing and laughing at myself when I do ridiculous things like wear two different shoes out (because, really, what else can you do?); BUT, I'm also going to allow myself to focus on the good moments too. I'm going to make the self-fulfilling prophecy less about how crazy my life is and more about how redeemed it is. I'm going to remember that, while life certainly isn't full of butterflies and rainbows all the time (what fun would that be?), it also isn't all a mess. Just because I'm not perfect, doesn't mean I'm a failure. That is BIG.
What about you? What is your self-fulfilling prophecy? What words have you spoken/written about yourself and allowed to become true? Do you need to reclaim 2013 too?
If so, as usual, we are in this together!
|Jess posted this on her blog today - perfect timing.|
*All other photos are from my Instagram (link in sidebar) this weekend.
We'll be back to our regular programming (a little lighter, a little more fun) tomorrow!